990wbob

“The sky is falling!! The sky is falling!!” At least poor Chicken Little didn’t have a stake in the heavens crashing down to earth. Al Gore, on the other hand, has benefited quite a bit from his end-of-days ramblings. Or maybe you forgot about his Academy Award for “An Inconvenient Truth”. Not to be left out of the pandering love-fest, the Grammy’s made sure to give him an award too. And The Nobel Foundation! Though, considering there was no actual science in the film, all they could muster up was a Peace Prize. Not that anyone really takes that award seriously anymore, with previous winners such as unrepentant anti-Semite and terrorist Yasser Arafat, and nominees like Rush Limbaugh and former founder of the Crips street gang, Tookie Williams. Even still, there’s lots of carbon credits at stake here.

But we’ll get to that.
    First, we need to talk about science. Now I’m no fourth grade science teach, but I once took fourth grade science. At a public school. In West Warwick. And even I can tell you that every basic premise of global warming alarmism is absolutely false. If you don’t believe me, there’s a British Court which will back up everything I have to say. That’s right, a British Court. The same court which allows Sharia Law to trump its own national laws. Even this ultra-liberal European institution recognizes that Gore’s film is propaganda, “political work (which) promotes only one side of the argument”. So let’s talk about truth.
    According to the alarmists, both Greenland and Antarctica are melting, which will cause sea levels to rise, and certain doom. The evidence, however, shows that Greenland won’t melt for millennia, and in fact the ice covering Antarctica is increasing. But even if we indulge the Al Gores of the world and pretend like their fantasy is true, it still wouldn’t matter. Like I said, I’ve taken fourth grade science. You can try this at home. Fill a Styrofoam cup with water, then drop some ice cubes in. Mark the water line and leave the cup to sit until the ice is melted. Now notice the water line. Guess what? It didn’t go up. Here’s some more science for you. During three quarters of the year, the North Pole is -30F. Over the summer, temperatures average 32F, a.k.a. the temperature at which water freezes. So even if we were to accept the daydream that the entire ice shelf is melting, it would have to be from underneath. You know, where there’s a known chain of volcanoes. Like the one in Iceland.
    So what other truths does the media conveniently choose to ignore? Let’s go back to our friends across the pond to find out. You know those TV spots with the polar bear standing on a drifting piece of ice? We’re supposed to think those cuddly little guys are drowning en masse. In fact, Gore’s movie says they are drowning due to disappearing arctic ice. The truth of the matter is that Gore was referring to a very specific study. A study which he either skimmed while cutting his toe nails, or just blatantly lied about, because the study he refers to was about only four polar bears who drowned due to a severe storm. The movie threatens that global warming could stop the Gulf Stream, causing a European ice age. The court called this notion a scientific impossibility.
    Regardless of the scientific “errors” (and that’s being kind), the American media has had little to say with regards to the opposite side of the global warming debate. I had to read an Israeli web site to find out that the numbers had been fudged by the alarmist scientists, because you couldn’t find that information on CNN. Then I had to read Fox to find out that hackers broke into a research facility’s emails and uncovered messages urging scientists to manipulate data and hide the decline of temperatures. In fact, things have gotten so bad for the alarmists that Global Warming is no longer their brand of choice. Now we have to say “climate change”. Sounds like New Coke to me. Did I mention that there’s “climate change” on Mars too? And nobody drives and SUV on Mars.
    So what can you, the average schmuck, do to help save the planet? Buy carbon credits! See, in Al Gore’s utopian paradise, each of us will be allowed ‘x’ amount of carbon. But not everyone needs the same amount. So those who need to use more carbon, such as Al Gore, can buy carbon credits from institutions which do not use their allotment of carbon or have bought carbon usage from others. You can see, then, that there is nothing wrong with Al Gore having a carbon footprint twenty times bigger than the average American. After all, how else would he be able to fly his private jet and heat his mansion? Nope, nothing wrong at all. Nothing, that is, until you follow the money. See, Gore buys his carbon credits from Generation Investment Management, a company he founded. As a matter of fact, he’s the chairman. In other words, he buys a hypothetical principle (a.k.a. nothing) from himself in a transaction meant to increase his own investments and make a profit. So if you need a larger carbon allowance to run your business, who do you think benefits? I’ll bet you won’t hear that on MSNBC.
KEVIN WILLETTE

Email Mr. Willette

@ 990WBOB@GMAIL.com

Based on the number of professional basketball players, multimillionaires, who file for bankruptcy, I’m pretty sure the National Basketball Association doesn’t teach math or economics. Based on Lebron James’ ignorance of the business which allows him to earn a king’s ransom, the league doesn’t teach history either. In fact, King James was anointed as the chosen one by the media while still in high school. You have to wonder how much studying a kid who is guaranteed to be filthy stinking rich before his 18th birthday really does. So it should be no surprise when this uneducated prima donna makes a decision which is rooted so deeply in ignorance.
   It might sound silly to argue about laundry like this. Of course, I have no problem with any professional athlete who wants to pay homage to his boyhood hero. There’s no more harm in Lebron James putting his number 23 jersey in a drawer somewhere to honor his golden calf, than there was in Lebron wearing number 23 for so many years…to uh…honor his golden calf. I’m just not overly concerned with the neuroses of grown men who get paid obscene amounts of money to wear overpriced sneakers and talk about how meaningful each of their tattoos are. With that said, I am concerned that a generation of impressionable sports fans who worship this false idol, kids, are going to grow up thinking the book of Genesis was written during the Reagan administration.
   Perhaps if Lebron, another one named celebrity, had spent less time learning one of his many twelve-stepped super secret handshakes and picked up a book, he would know that the NBA existed before 1984. To hear Lebron’s account of history, Dr. James Naismith nailed a peach basket to the wall of his cave to keep him occupied in between hunting mastodons. If he ever bothered to learn about anything prior to the tail end of the Cold War, he might realize that there was a time in America when people like him, African Americans, weren’t treated so nicely; even if they could jump high and run fast!! And in that time of segregation and overt racism existed a man who towered above all others. And oh yeah, he wore number 6.
   There would be no NBA today without Bill Russell. It literally could not have survived. When Russell was drafted in the mid-1950’s the league was nothing more than a winter attraction to sell tickets to small venues owned by local boxing promoters. Its player held jobs in the off-season, unable to afford to live on a professional basketball player’s salary. When he left the game for good in 1969, he left an incredible legacy. On the court, Russell was the ultimate winner: one Olympic gold medal, two NCAA championships, and eleven NBA titles, including an unprecedented and unduplicated string of eight in a row. Off the court, he was a civil rights leader, outspoken against the war in Vietnam and segregation. Often times painted as a villain by the media, Russell never hesitated to use his celebrity to convey a greater message, no matter who he alienated. When Muhammad Ali was ostracized for refusing to fight in Vietnam, it was Russell who lead a group of prominent black athletes to come to Ali’s defense. And it was Russell who was hired to be the first black professional head coach in any sport. Nike built a multibillion dollar franchise out of Michael Jordan. Racists shit in Bill Russell’s bed. That’s the difference between these two men.
   How can we blame Lebron, though? Is it really his fault that he wouldn’t know Doggie Julian from a Pound Puppy? What kid didn’t want to be like Mike? And eat Wheeties. And drink Gatorade? Because the media created Michael Jordan. So no Lebron, you’re wrong. You would all be here without Michael Jordan, Bill Russell made sure of that. You just wouldn’t be able to afford to be so stunningly ignorant.

KEVIN WILLETTE